Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Oscar Nominations

While my imaginary Internet boyfriends (and some girlfriends) were freaking out over the Leafs blockbuster or Lost or cats with mittens – I hung out with online film buffs and watched Anne Hathway read this year’s Oscar nominations.

After a stellar 2008 in film and crappy Oscar telecast ratings, the Academy decided to do something different this year. Five best picture nominations wasn't satisfying everyone. Sally and Johnny were mad because the Dark Knight wasn't nominated last year. Billy and Susan didn’t watch last year's show even though the Academy invited those Twilight fellows.

This year Tom, Dick and Harry will be pleased to know that every movie released in 2009 will be nominated for best picture.

Here’s the general idea behind this year’s ten Best Picture noms: The only thing that matters is they tried hard! Every team that tries gets in! THOSE ARE THE RULES!

Ten films. Yeesh. This bold turn has left Hollywood executives sitting around the casting couch trying to determine which five films were *really* nominated.

The only good thing about having ten crappy movies up for Best Picture is that I’ve actually seen a few of them. Here are my thoughts on the films I have watched.

An Education—  Beautiful. I talked about this already. It’s all about the Saaarsgaaard. Saaarsgaaaaard is hot in the same way James Spader is crazy sexy in Secretary. Nobody’s hotter than James Spader in Secretary, but Saaargaaard gives him a run for his money.  
Their appeal lies in the fact that they’re average-looking guys. The kind of man you’d strike up a conversation with on the street. Three minutes later you’re in deep.

Up – Have you seen cryingwife.com? Check it out, she's hilarious. I looked like that woman during the first twenty minutes of Up. Some films have the power to heal. ß I stole that from a guy who talks about music

In my opinion, Up deserves the Best Picture win. Good luck with that, Pixar. They’ll have to settle for Best Animated film because animation is the Rodney Dangerfield of the Oscars. No respect.   

Inglourious Basterds – I’ve watched this movie twice in the last week. I watched it twice because I had food poisoning and the first viewing was blurred by crazy, but also because it was awesome. I loved loved loved this movie. Loved Christoph Waltz as Hans Landa. Oh my God. Oh my God!! Best villain ever? Definitely better than Javier Bardem abandoning his natural charms and looking uggo in No Country for Old Men. Better than, dare I say, Heath Ledger’s The Joker. Hannibal Lecter, pfffft whatever. Col. Hans Landa - best villain ever.

My only critique with Inglourious Basterds? I think the look and feel of the site is ugly.

Two people will get that.

My only real critique? Brad Pitt was miscast.

The Blind Side –  I saw it and cried the whole way through. It’s not even a good movie, per say. It’s just because my heart is large and full. Doesn’t deserve a nomination.

Precious -- I’m never going to see Precious.

Note – Woody Harrelson nominated for The Messenger! Woody Boyd, you’ve arrived! Ugh, can you believe I’m still watching Cheers? There are eleven seasons; I’m on six. I seriously need to stop watching and then stop tweeting/blogging about it. So sorry.
Huuuuuunk

On to....

THE SNUBS or, the movies whose studios didn’t pony up the cash in campaign season

Your typical Academy voters: 
A snub is a film who can’t get no love from me.

With ten nominations up for grabs, a snub is extra painful for studios (Harvey Wienstein) this year. 

Where the Wild Things Are --  Remember one year ago when a generation preemptively declared this the front runner of the 2010 Oscars? Yeaaaa we were a little eager, eh? Regardless, this snub is a big f-u to hipsterdom everywhere. Why wasn’t WTWTA nominated? Because it sucked and the Academy hates young people. Vanity Fair explains why far better than I can,  here

Julie/Julia – ROBBED! This was the most enjoyable film of the year. That’s not subjective. My heart sang each time Meryl Streep graced the screen with her presence. Sandra Bullock’s going to win the Oscar because Lainey says everybody likes her, which is a shame. Meryl Streep made me as happy as Christoph Waltz made me uncomfortable.

Nine - Harvey Weinstein is pissed!! I haven’t seen it.

Star Trek -- I heard this was good. Didn't see it. Spock was snubbed.

The Hangover -- The Hangover won the Golden Globe, so there was speculation that the year's biggest comedy would sneak in. I'm so glad it didn't. I hated The Hangover. It was an hour and a half of calamity. Everything goes wrong! Oh poop. Calamity calamity calamity. My least favourite quality in entertainment. 

Oscar night’s going to be fun, right? Morgan Freeman, the Michael Cera of old black guys (admit it, he's been playing the same role since Shawshank) is going to be there. He always brings the party. 

4 comments:

  1. Snub of the Year is The Fantastic Mr. Fox not being nominated for the most greatest movie EVER FUCKING MADE.

    --GU

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  2. Fantastic Mr. Fox hasn't popped up at my bootleg DVD store yet. Three dollas a disc! Woot woot.

    Last night I bought the rest of the Oscar nominated films (minus Precious and Avatar) AND The Invention of Lying. Guess which was watched first....

    ReplyDelete
  3. 1. Invention of Lying sucked.
    2. Fantastic Mr. Fox is indeed AMAZING!
    3. I fell asleep in Avatar, but from what I saw Pandora looks pretty awesome

    -Meg

    ReplyDelete
  4. Invention of Lying was terrible, you're right. It wasn't that people couldn't tell a lie it was that they had no internal monologue. Expected more from the Gervais.

    Meg, I fucking love that you fell asleep during Avatar. Makes me so happy.

    ReplyDelete

Ramble on...