Wednesday, January 27, 2010

YouTube needs to stop telling truths

So my Internet world has changed a little and you know how well people take to change.

Can someone tell me when YouTube started giving explanations for your recommended videos? Seriously, what is that mess? Go look - under your recommended video is a new link that says “because you watched so and so…”

I don’t need YouTube to explain why it keeps recommending shirtless Ovechkin videos over and over again. It takes the fun out of being a creep and I’d like this feature to go away YouTube, please and thanks.

If YouTube and I were to have a conversation about it, it’d probably go something like this…

Me: Listen YouTube. I’m grateful that you unearth rare videos of athletes in various stages of undress, I really am. I’d be nothing without you. But here’s the thing – our previous situation? I was okay with that.

YouTube: And that situation was what, exactly?

Me: You recommend a video and shut up about it. Let’s go back to that.

YouTube: You don’t define the terms in this relationship. I’ve seen your browsing history – I own you.

Me: That’s a little frightening. I just liked it better when a random video of Federer changing his shirt popped up and I could pretend I had NO IDEA how it got there.

YouTube: You’re an idiot. Here’s how the whole magical, mysterious recommended video thing works: my recommendations are based solely on your viewing history.

Me: I know that!! I know it. But before…it was just easier for me to ignore that point.

YouTube: You like watching interviews with shirtless athletes! I KNOW THESE THINGS AND YOU CAN’T HIDE. Creep. I’m going to call your fiancĂ©.

Me: Self-righteous cyborg!! Two can play at this game. So maybe I can’t see your viewing history, but I can totally figure out what you’re into….. Let’s see. You’re YouTube. Your interests include being non-human and judging faithful users. Knowing this, HERE’S MY RECOMMENDED VIDEO FOR YOU MOTHASUCKA

YouTube: She does nothing for me. Go RedSox.

Me: You win. You always do.

Remind me to never show my YouTube homepage to anyone.


  1. I always knew YouTube was a Red Sox fan. Son of a bitch.

  2. I was surprised. You think you know somebody....


Ramble on...