So my Internet world has changed a little and you know how well people take to change.
Can someone tell me when YouTube started giving explanations for your recommended videos? Seriously, what is that mess? Go look - under your recommended video is a new link that says “because you watched so and so…”
If YouTube and I were to have a conversation about it, it’d probably go something like this…
Me: Listen YouTube. I’m grateful that you unearth rare videos of athletes in various stages of undress, I really am. I’d be nothing without you. But here’s the thing – our previous situation? I was okay with that.
YouTube: And that situation was what, exactly?
Me: You recommend a video and shut up about it. Let’s go back to that.
YouTube: You don’t define the terms in this relationship. I’ve seen your browsing history – I own you.
Me: That’s a little frightening. I just liked it better when a random video of Federer changing his shirt popped up and I could pretend I had NO IDEA how it got there.
YouTube: You’re an idiot. Here’s how the whole magical, mysterious recommended video thing works: my recommendations are based solely on your viewing history.
Me: I know that!! I know it. But before…it was just easier for me to ignore that point.
YouTube: You like watching interviews with shirtless athletes! I KNOW THESE THINGS AND YOU CAN’T HIDE. Creep. I’m going to call your fiancé.
Me: Self-righteous cyborg!! Two can play at this game. So maybe I can’t see your viewing history, but I can totally figure out what you’re into….. Let’s see. You’re YouTube. Your interests include being non-human and judging faithful users. Knowing this, HERE’S MY RECOMMENDED VIDEO FOR YOU MOTHASUCKA
YouTube: She does nothing for me. Go RedSox.
Remind me to never show my YouTube homepage to anyone.
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