Sunday, November 22, 2009

Can anyone tell me what this is?

See original Hack the Bone post here:

And this
weird bit of Internet is from something I found on a blog called Boys Games…..

I’m frightened. 

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Kids these days: or wherein I favour optimism over another Sarah Palin-related post


Kids these days. Everything bad they do – I blame on Miley Cyrus. Everything good must be a direct result of Taylor Swift. If there’s a kid with an unnatural obsession with a love interest, I chalk it up to Twilight.

Clearly, I’m alienated from the young peoples. This distance is probably the reason I find the younger generation so fascinating.

What’s intriguing about them? For starters, it’s boggling to think that people exist who don’t know a life before the Internet. Today’s thirteen year olds watched Blues Clues DVDs on their parents’ laptops and learned how to spell and type while surfing Yahoo! for kids. ICQ was a dinosaur long before they cut their teeth on Facebook chat.

I like to think that these kids, the ones who grew up video blogging their diaries have a good grasp of the idea of the global community. A better grasp than my friends and I had at their age, at least. Kids these days learn from a really young age that we’re just a tiny speck among the oceans of people trying to be heard.There’s hardly a better way for a young kid to learn about life outside their bedroom than by logging on to a news site and reading comments from people halfway around the world. They can discover for themselves the opinions of smarter, dumber, more racist and better looking people. Thanks to and because of the sheer volume of the Internet, they understand just how crazy big our planet is.

As such, it seems that today’s youth have an incredible appreciation for those moments when two strangers crash together in wonderfully random and unexpected situations. A gross generalization? Definitely maybe, as this argument is based almost completely on my experience with the site My Life is Average. After reading MLIA for a few weeks, and rejoicing in the site's friendly attitude towards thought, it’s clear to me that young people today possess the rare gift of seeing the magical in the mundane. This I love.

Here are a few typical entries from MLIA:

One day I received a call from an 800 number. Expecting it to be a telemarketer I answered with a sigh and a hello. The response was "Hi there, I'm an annoying telemarketer that's not going to try to sell you something I already know you don't want... how's the weather?" A minute later I heard his boss behind him ask what he was doing followed by a click. Best telemarketer experience ever. MLIA

Today was Halloween and I was passing out candy at my house. The old man (about 85) who lives down the street from me said trick or treat when he came to my door. He wasn't dressed in a costume so I asked him what he was. His reply, "I'm Benjamin Button. I'm 7, but I look a lot older." I gave him extra candy. MLIA

Yesterday for trick-or-treat me and my bf went as Harry and Ginny. We went up to a house and an old lady answered dressed up as Hermione. She looked at us hugged both of us then screames, "Ron, Harry and Ginny came to visit us." Then her husband comes to the door dressed as Ron and gave us both a big hug. I love old people. MLIA

A little while ago, I went to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince with my sister, mom, and dad. When the movie characters raised their wands at the end to remember Dumbledore, my dad slowly raised his drinking straw, and was followed by the entire filled IMAX theater. MLIA

Delightful. The best entries from MLIA describe an unexpected connection between strangers- the special moment that happens when a shared interest brings strangers together, if only for a second. Moments in time. Observing what’s vivid. Presentation, not reference.

MLIA resides in the corner of the Internet we go to forget about the Levi Johnstons and Jon Gosselins of the world. MLIA is where we honour the best of the every day and celebrates the good in people. Knowing that its submissions are written largely by school kids fills me with hope for what’s to come.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Are you tired of this woman yet?


I bet you aren't.

The Sarah Palin media blitz is beginning. I’d say I missed the thrilla from Wasilla in the months since Obama’s victory, but Palin hasn’t really gone anywhere. That's not to say she didn’t try. For the better part of 2009, Palin abandoned her abbreviation-happy twitter account (her ham radio to the world), rarely gave press interviews and spoke only at events where the media weren’t allowed to tread.

Even if Palin herself stayed quiet, curious onlookers were given plenty of ammunition to rifle through. The public learned a lot more about Palin from the hangers on who were willing to speak on her, than we ever learned from the Governor herself. And hangers on there were many. Countless people, near to and far from Palin willing to talk about her at length. No issue was left untouched. Literally. Articles were published on her e-mail etiquette, her alleged marriage problems with Todd and exactly how long it took her to drop that pesky baby weight .

With so many speaking about her, it was easy to forget that Palin herself was trying to keep her head down until the release of her hastily produced memoir, Going Rogue.

But now, as the book’s debut nears, it looks as if the relative quiet from the Palin camp is over. Her hugely-anticipated Oprah interview airs tomorrow, followed by a “politically-fueled” 20/20 interview with Baba WaWa. We’re in store for an exhaustive PR blitz. This morning, I counted 45 articles on my Google Reader about Going Rogue. Critics have gotten their hands on advance copies, and the scathing reviews are pouring in. Journalists everywhere are jostling to be the first to identify any errors and lies that may lie within. It's a journalistic blood sport out there - whoever serves up Palin's head on a platter wins.

The world is watching Sarah Palin this week.

And why?

Most people have figured out that Palin’s presidential chances have all but disappeared with the $150,000 wardrobe she sported on the campaign trail.

Obviously nothing is certain, but I’m willing to bet on this- Palin isn’t going to be president. Maybe she goes on to host a chat show on FOX News, and spends her best years shouting at Obama from behind the soap box and high fiving Glenn Beck between takes. Surely since she quit her post as Governor her chances at this becoming her reality have increased tenfold. If Sarah Palin leaves politics for good and turns into the right-wing Oprah, when is the public going to stop paying attention?

At what point do we stop caring about Sarah Palin?

I wish I knew the answer.

The scary thing is, I’m not sure I’ll ever stop caring. Judging by the level of articles I’ve read on Palin and her relationships in the past year and a half, I will always be fascinated. Shudder the thought.

This is kind of sad and hard to admit, but I read everything about the woman I can get my hands on. The nastier the article better. And I don’t stop at third party writing - I delight in Palin’s indecipherable tweets and rambling Facebook essays (with seventeen footnotes….ibid ibid ibid). I’ve watched the YouTube video of Sarah’s greatest mishaps more than twice. And the Tina Fey sketches? I practically have them memorized.

I read every article that picks apart her speeches and her dialect and her hypocrisy. I loved it when FOX News actually fact checked and called her out on a blatant error. Loved it.

Clearly, I’m not gunning for this woman to succeed and yet, I’m obsessed with her. I’d rather spend an afternoon with Going Rogue, desperately searching for an error the Huffington Post hasn’t caught yet, than embiggen (The Simpsons made it a real word) myself with the biography of someone whose life is actually worthy of such intense fascination.

What does that say about me? What does it say about anyone who feels the same?

We need to do something better with our lives.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I’ve been wrong before

Yes, the Levi Johnston twitter account is fake. It’s so fake, in fact, that Levi is trying to sue twitter for allowing such a brazen impersonation to occur. Let’s get this straight – Levi is upset someone compromised the reputation he’s worked so hard to sculpt? Homeboy is an idiot. On another note, I can’t wait for his Playgirl spread. I think there'll be moose involved.

Here are other things I’ve been wrong about:

1. There may be more to the Letterman-Drew Barrymore relationship than intellect and repartee.

2. This cat not being a cheeseburger:

I think that’s everything. Let’s move on.

Next!

Self-promotion:  the project I’ve been slaving over lately culminated yesterday in a successful event and comparable media coverage.  A client actually HUGGED me (if you work in an agency you know that’s special). It was a very good day professionally. Also, Hack the Bone was named one of Qatar’s Best Blogs by qatarvisitor.com. Hack the Bone – “read for lighthearted posts.” I’m very happy to be mentioned (even happier Hack the Bone hasn’t gotten me deported) but there is nothing lighthearted about Michael Phelps’ face (or as I like to call it, proof that pobody’s nerfect).

Next!

What’s the best way to make your face redder than Santa’s at the Boxing Day staff party? Boot camp.

There’s no reason to mention boot camp, other than the fact that I want everyone to know I’m exercising and at the same time, to try out that Santa joke. It was hilarious, so mission accomplished.

Next!

It’s fall/winter in Doha so there are things to do besides sit around talking about the heat and looking at pictures of camels. The England and Brazil national football teams are playing a friendly on the weekend. Brazil and England in Qatar?


Why, you ask?  Come on, people. For the monies! Apparently the players are already in town, sans Beckham. Whatever Beckham, that’s cool. I would rather bump into Rooney anyway. He seems nice. Big ears, not much cauliflowering.

It feels as if everyone in the country has tickets to the game – our softball match is even cancelled so people can attend conflict free (softball update - we won 25-6 last week in a game I missed because I can’t say no to Risk and champagne, long story, but yes I am kind of pissed the team won so handily without me, a girl just wants to feel needed you know, read that aloud in one breath it'll improve your wind pipes).

There will be no booze served at the game, not that it matters to most people. Do I talk about drinking too much? Question asked, question answered. Anyway. Officials were worried things would get too rowdy for the conservative Qatari crowd, so one of the British papers ran an article pleading fans not to get drunk and paint their half-naked bodies. In other words, there will be few sauced and overweight Brits with flags painted on their bellies screaming out the words to the Wayne Rooney song.
  In even more other words, the atmosphere is going to suck.

The equestrian championships are happening on the same night in another arena. Another Doha planning FAIL. We choose football, but it was hard to say no to the horsies.

Speaking of beautiful creatures – Federer has confirmed he’s playing in Doha in January 2010.

Speaking of impending beauty in Doha - Jimmy Choo's H&M line is coming to town next Thursday and it's bringing this dress: 


Mine?

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

When idiots attack


Ohhh shoot! Levi Johnston (you know, the kid who knocked up Sarah Palin’s daughter and is posing for Playboy next month) has a twitter feed and it’s the greatest thing ever! He only has 3,000 followers right now, so check it out before a responsible adult makes him delete the account.

Levi can’t spell and he’s racist and sexist and talks about drug use and his decision to pose naked. Someone get this kid a muzzle. Levi Johnston in his own words (if I find out this is fake, I’ma be crushed) is a prime example of why I love twitter so. As soon as you let public figures (and I use that term loosely here) speak for themselves, everything their long-suffering publicists work for goes to the dogs.

Did you read that Vanity Fair story that took one of his interviews and turned it into a readable and widely entertaining piece on the Palin family? If you missed it, the online link is here. You have to feel sorry for the journalist whose job it was to spin Levi’s ramblings into something decipherable.

Have I mentioned before that I love the Internet?

Sunday, November 1, 2009

You again

I haven’t posted much of substance lately. Thanks to an ever-increasing workload  (wah wah) and abundance of fun things to do in Qatar (not joking), I’ve ignored all  blog accountability. I had a strategy though - after posting that video of Ovechkin, I figured you’d all be sufficiently grossed out and not visit for a while. Please come back now.

So Tribeca’s been pretty sweet. In a drastic change of character, Doha felt like a bustling city this past weekend. Tennis, Film Festivals, CHER - there was a lot going on.  On Thursday, we wormed our way into the VIP opening night party. It was aiiiight (boozy). I got so drunk that I smoked in front of DKM’s mother. Then I invited a bunch of relative strangers over for an after party, only to serenade them with Carly Simon’s you’re so vain and get offended when no one joined in.

The next morning I was all, “those people were such duds last night.” And everyone else was like, “no, you were ridiculous and embarrassing. You probably should apologize.”

And that’s how that went. I’m starting boot camp tonight as punishment for jerky behaviour.  


What was I talking about? Right, Tribeca. There were movies too. Thanks to an unnamed source, we had press accreditation through the festival. Press accreditation = free tickets. So what if the tickets were 10 riyal (three dollars) without a press badge? We got to wear neat badges with our photos on them and pretend we are important.

I watched three movies – The September Issue (hilarious), An Education (effectively ruined my Peter Saaaarsgaaard crush but was sooo good, sigh) and Sin Nombre (violent and mean). DKM saw the Spike Lee joint Kobe Doing Work because he’s a sucker. You know I love sports but there’s no chance in hell I was sitting through one and a half hours of Spike Lee fellating Kobe Bryant, whose personality always left something to be desired, in my nuanced opinion. But get this - Kobe Doing Work is a documentary about one game of basketball. One game! And it’s not even a playoff game. Spike Lee made a feature length film from probably two hours of footage? Sounds like he phoned that one in. Pass.


Sin Nombre is one of those artsy, hard-to-watch but “really good” movies that had everyone in the audience clapping through the credits.  It’s about gangs and emigration in Honduras. Violence and unhappiness prevails. Everyone said they loved it because they’re probably scared someone might tell them they’re stupid if they don’t.  I would have rather spent that time looking at rainbows and smiling. I prefer things that are happy and fuzzy and that you can pet. There’s nothing pettable in that movie.

Happy Halloween everyone. For the first time, I didn’t dress up. Not because I’m mature or above it, but because there are decency dress codes at the clubs now that don’t vibe with my kind of Halloween. Last year, I pulled a Spike Lee and wore a Blondie “costume” that lacked effort and imagination. The Blondie costume came to when I was walking up Queen St. W on my way home from work. Peep my inner monologue: “I can’t believe my work is making me dress up. I have two jobs, damnit, and it’s cold. There’s no time to find something skanky enough to work at a sports bar. Maybe I can just repeat my devil costume from last year. I was the perfect Halloween tramp! Tight red dress, gloves, fishnets, horns and tail. Perfect. What in the hell am I going to wear this year!? Something baggy? Haha yeah right, I’m hilarious. Oh hey here’s that store that sells band t-shirts. That cranky hipster shopkeeper be damned, I’m going in. Oh there’s Blondie.  Grab it fast before shopkeeper with the thrift store glasses (probably fake prescriptions, bastard) judges you any longer. Do you think he knows I’m only shopping here because it’s Halloween? My stars, his hair looks smelly. Is he serious with the man bangs? Aaaand exit. Wouldn’t you know it, band t-shirt store is two doors down from an American Apparel. They sell fugly shiny leggings and headbands. I have big hair. Perfect. I am Blondie. Do you think Debbie Harry would wear a t-shirt with her face on it? Ohhh damnit.”


Elisha clearly went for the skanky-dress-with-some-sort-of-headpiece look. I should have copied. Next year, I’ll do something really awesome. I owe it to myself.

Things I love right now:

1.)
  
GLEE! So proud of myself for jumping on the Glee bandwagon. I've been patting my own back for days. That show is DELIGHTFUL.

2.)
  
Mylifeisaverage.com  Excellent stuff. Am I really behind the fray on this? Probably. The 13 year-olds who contribute to this site are hilarious. MLIA is soooo much better than FML and TFLN but fall behind far behind LOLCats. Acronym party.

3.)
 
The bruise on my hand that I got from a softball. It looks so cool and I get to tell people that I sort of injured myself playing team sports. We’ve played four games now and it’s great fun.
 DKM’s one of the best players on the team, which I’m thankful for because his skill justifies my presence. Week by week, I’m transforming my noodle arm from tenderized to al dente to hard as a frock. When you only play catcher, you get a lot of throwing practice.

Ed Note - I'm still having trouble formatting my blog in Google Chrome (no I'm not switching to Firefox, I will stay true to the Chromium), so apologies if this reads wonky. It might be because you're viewing this on Internet Explorer, and if you are, please stop trying to kill the Internet. Otherwise, let me know if you're having trouble viewing pages and I'll take it up with Blogger. K bai!