Lately I've spent weekends inventing things to do while sitting around, nursing a longstanding drinking habit. Game nights, dinner parties, amateur Olympics, you get the idea. While those ideas sound pretty awesome, last night DKM and I stayed in, drank a lot and essentially stared at each other until 3 in the morning.
Two Canadians getting drunk? Shocking. A waste of time and blog space, you say? Repent, ye of little faith. Something good may have actually come out of an otherwise worthless night. Something that benefits you, dear reader! I know you visit Hack the Bone and think, “what's in it for me? What could Meredith possibly do or say to enlighten my world today?” Most of the time I'm sure you leave, bitterly disappointed that no cat videos were posted that day. I knows how you rolls. Well, here's a treat, reader. I may have found another author to contribute. That's right, I'm this close to convincing DKM to share his world on Hack the Bone.
I think you'd like to hear from him. He's been to Africa. He's interesting!
I've been chipping away at this idea for months. And he's almost sold. While he sleeps off a hangover, I'll perform a selfless act and take one more wild stab at this for your benefit (I do so much for you thankless people). Here we go.
When trying to ignite DKM's literary aspirations, I usually say something along the lines of, “A blog is like a really long story. On Hack the Bone you're a crucial main character. You could make the blog so much more. So much more than a bored twenty-something taking shots at her defenseless boyfriend in her spare time. You could meta the shit of out this and blow my seven readers' minds. Break the fourth wall, DKM. Bust through it!”
In this case, one main character in the story (granted, a meandering, undisciplined and hastily written story) has the opportunity and capacity to speak for themselves. It's a fascinating experiment. Wouldn't the world be a different place if characters from your favourite novel could tell their side of the story? If, for example, Voldemort penned a novel and it turned out Harry Potter was the one doing the tormenting? Would we think him a monster then? Well, would we?? Probably.
Wait, DKM hasn't read Harry Potter. This desperate stretch of the imagination is for naught. I can't think of any relevant sports references that apply here. I think my insides are rotting.
DKM's portrayal on this blog always reminds me of a favourite Simpsons episode. You know the one -The Simpsons clan (and Milhouse) head up to the Flanderseseses' beach house for Fourth of July weekend. During a hurting game of Mystery Date, Bart wins an evening with the stereotypical nerd who looks just like Milhouse.
Homer: You got the dud! Hahahah He looks just like you! Hahahaha. Stand up for yourself, poindexter.
True to character, lame duck Milhouse does nothing. Similarly, when DKM's actions are taken to task online, he stays mute. There's nary a comment from him. I'm free to take liberties with his words and actions and portray myself in a flattering light, as his better half. It happens a lot more than you'd think.
It is high time DKM stood up for himself, wouldn't you say?
If Homer and I can't convince him, maybe Hemingway can:
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
If DKM decides not to use this opportunity to jump off the page and into your hearts, it would be an detriment to the written word. To the entire literary community! Hyperbole!
Besides, he lives in Qatar. It's not like he has better things to do.