Sunday, August 9, 2009

Do you like to fly?

I love to fly. For me, there are few things more enjoyable than an international flight. I love the ritual and control of it all – the safety video, the takeoff, the free booze drink and flavoured pretzels, the dinner with another booze drink, the on demand movies, the nap time, the tea, the anding. You always know what’s next.

Some people feel constrained and claustrophobic on a plane, especially if there’s a hairy man next to you creeping over your arm rest. Despite unfamiliar arm hair brushing your own, I always feel cozy and looked after.

Travelling with a buddy is the best way to maximize the joys of air travel. For instance, during nap time, put up your arm rest and lay your head on your buddy’s lap at the expense of their comfort. It’s like two seats in one!

Another perk in travelling with a buddy, (especially a buddy who sleeps through 95% of all meals), is stealing their unclaimed food and drink. DKM is the best for this. When I see the flight attendant heading our way with a trolley full of drinks, I frantically poke him and ask “do you want your drink? The lady is coming. Pay attention to meeeee” and he’s all “slaaaaa blerrr,” which I take to mean NO.

When the flight attendant reaches us, I ask for one bottle of red, then point to a comatose DKM and whisper “and he’ll have one too. For later.” The FA usually shoots me a judgmental look that says, “sure thing. Enjoy your liter of wine, lush.” I shrug off the judgment because movies like Wolverine (Gambit! Tim Riggins!) can only be enjoyed after a three-drink buzz in thin-air. Darn the flight attendant if they can’t understand that.

When DKM wakes up looking for a little refreshment, I usually say, “oh, I slept through the dinner service too.” This way, he’ll never know that I ate two meals. Until now. Ohh shoot.

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