Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Happy trails to me

Tomorrow, after six and a half months in Doha, I’m boarding a plane and heading home to Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Toronto is still home. It will always be home, even if for some reason we spend the next decade in the Gulf (stranger things have happened.) I’ll always cheer for the Jays and the Leafs (even when I miss entire seasons and the roster becomes completely unrecognizable – tragic, because it looks like next year’s going to be hella fun with Burkey). Speaking of Burkey, let’s revisit the greatest 20-seconds in YouTube history right now. THAT’S NOT HYPERBOLE!

What else…..

YouTube…History….Drunk History! Wait, you haven’t seen Drunk History before? Here you go. I would so love to be the narrator of one of these videos. What a sweet gig. Hoever, while I am a fantastic drunk, I’m not such a history buff, rendering me unqualified for the role. Although I could definitely speak on Madonna’s Like a Virgin performance at the MTV awards with authority. That’s practically a historical event now anyway.

Please excuse the erratic and unreadable nature of this post- I’m on another planet. People keep speaking to me but all I hear is meowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeow (sung in the key of D).

Did you know there’s a sandstorm headed for Doha right now? Not the fun type of Sandstorm:Da Rude!

It’s the ugly, brown, fills up your lungs type: An estimated 2 billion tones of sand is blowing in from Saudi and Iraq in the next 72 hours. Inshallah, our travel plans will not be affected. If you find an angry, cursing rant here in a few days, you’ll know we gotz screwed. Silence means I’m probably sitting in a bathtub of Clamato. Hygiene be damned.

Good news- I can finally read Torontoist and Blogto again without feeling searing pangs of jealousy. For the past months, reading about and seeing beautiful photos of Toronto have caused me physical harm. THAT’S NOT HYPERBOLE EITHER, sometimesI react physically to jealousy. God.

Since TO is only two days away, I’m confident that perusing through my old favourite blogs won’t hurt. Let’s see what’s in the Toronto news….

Oh you’ve got to be kidding me! The garbage strike still isn’t over!? What the aitch Mayor Miller?? Obviously you didn’t listen to the authoritative tweet I sent you three weeks ago. My distant voice counts too! This is ridiculous. If the strike continues, who’s joining me in throwing Miller and the union boys in Christie Pits, head first? Disgruntled Torontonians raise your hands!

Toronto Toronto Toronto- let’s be real. I don’t care how bad you stink - I’m a treat you real nice. I’m going to singly boost your economy full of Gulf money, so you’ll never want me to leave. I’m coming to drink your booze and walk your streets and book your hotel rooms and eat in your restaurants and look at all the pretty, dirty boys (I said look). We’re going to have a good few weeks, you and me.

I won’t be posting while I’m gone. The good news is, if you’re a regular reader, chances are I’ll be seeing you real soon….at the Jays game on Friday! Kthxbai J

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