Wednesday, June 3, 2009

How to prematurely plan a successful two-week vacation in your home country

Although I jumped ship from Toronto (Torana for the locals), I’m probably one of the biggest fans of that city in the entire world. The spirit of Toronto courses through my veins and I could not be more excited to vacation there for two weeks. So much to do! I don’t plan to sleep.


After giving this a bit of thought, here are some of the things I'll do while in Canada:

1.) Eat. My first meal? A peameal sandwich with a side of ribs, washed down with bacon fat. I’ll slug extra spicy Caesars too. For the vitamins. Then I’ll feel sick and probably throw up on one of Toronto’s perfectly manicured sidewalks.

2.) Eat. It would be an understatement to say I’m excited for Bistro/St. Louis wings and dill dipping sauce. Plus crab patties from the Ossington Bakery, croissants from Clafouti on Queen West and bagels!! Fucking bagels, you can’t find them anywhere.
3.) Blue Jays games. It’s no coincidence that the Jays play a nine-game homestand while I’m in Canada. Our trip was postponed by two weeks to ensure ample baseball viewing. Obviously. I’m going to revisit my old tradition of buying 500-level seats and sneaking down in the third inning to sit behind the bullpen and yell at Scott Downs for being awesome. I have snuck down to these seats probably 50 times, only being thrown out of the ball park once. And it wasn’t even because of the seats. My friend Kerry snuck in a mickey and got totally busted. Yea, we were those girls. We headed over to Windows restaurant in the Renaissance hotel and watched the rest of the game from there. Aside from watching in the cheap seats, we’ve been trying to get tickets in the most expensive seats possible, because I live in the Middle fucking East and sometimes a girl has got to spoil herself.

4.) Blue Jays games – again. I’m really excited for this…. DKM worked at the Renaissance hotel (attached to the SkyDome) for a long time, so we often used his influence and discount to book a field view room and watch the game from there. We have already made plans to do this again, so friends, pledge your allegiance to us now. Those rooms can only accommodate so many people. Friends who bring beer and snacks will be rewarded based on quality of said beer and snacks (50 and Ruffles chips hint, hint). Also, you must be good looking. I can’t wait to hit on my hot Canadian friends.
5.) Camping. I’m going to camp the shit out of Ontario when I’m home. Transversely, at the advice of my lazy friend Tarek, we may just go to a cottage and lie around. Shmeh.

6.) Patios. It’s almost too hot to go outside these days, and since I won’t be working for one minute while I’m home, most afternoons will be spent on various patios in Toronto. I’ll go and visit to make sure they are still running properly – a general maintenance check. Look for me at the Pilot, Black Bull, Hooters (haha…but seriously, their rooftop patio is great), Oasis, Hemingway’s, and the Quail and Firkin. I’ll be staying with my mom who has moved back into the Yorkville hood so when I’m too lazy to walk more than a few blocks, the Pilot will be my first stop. I’ll be that really happy drunk girl kissing the ground. Also, since one drink in Qatar costs the equivalent of seven in Toronto, I will probably buy like, four pitchers and have a pint from each, just to be a jerk. Come enjoy my wake of discarded booze.
7.) Barbeques. Gonna cook up some meat meat meat.

That’s all I’ve got planned for now. It’s looking like a pretty robust two weeks. Lots of food and friends and family and outdoors. Toronto- I love you.

1 comment:

  1. Too bad about not making time for the Toronto FC game 'cause you'll be attending so many Jays games (and yelling at Scott Downs when you could be yelling at Brian Chin of the Houston Dynamo) and frequenting all those rooftop patios, HA! You'll also miss out on the fabulous BMO field fries and curry, or a Chip Buddy and best of all, the beautiful Scotch Egg...Ricky Gervais explains a Scotch Egg far better than I could -


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