Tuesday, May 26, 2009

A quick skip down Hack the Bone memory lane

*Man that picture is terrible.

In Hack the Bone's short (but awesome) history, I’ve made many pop culture icons and celebrities my bitch the target of my disdain. Problem is, I oft rip into the meaty arse of a celebrity to never bite them again. With this in mind, today I'll spend time on Google News search and revisit some of the people/things that have escaped my ire of late.

First up, the unofficial king of Hack the Bone: Lord CONRAD Black.

Original posts here and here.

It's always inneresing to check in on Connie. And wouldn't you know it, Canada’s most notorious criminal is back, bitches. Back in a big way. Each day brings a new story chronicling CONRAD'S ups and downs behind bars. At press time (haha) CONRAD is enjoying a bit of good press and good luck. His appeal is pending and he dodged harm when a riot broke out at his prison. A riot at CONRAD'S prison!? To this I say, inmates— please! You breathe the same air as the most verbose man of all time. Try and act the part. Civilized.

Aside from prison riots and maybe losing his Lord title, and MAYBE having his appeal thrown out, things are looking up for our boy CONRAD. The saga continues and all that....
NEXT!

Michael “I can’t believe he’s such a butterface” Phelps

Original post here.

Boy, was I ever hard on Phelpsy. Today, we'll start fresh with the swim phenom and forget why he offended me so in the first place. He’s not so bad -- he smokes pot. People can change. I can change! Let’s see what he’s up to.

He’s lost a few races, but also picked up some gold medals. Good for him. Let’s all cheer for Phelps…..oh eff it, I can’t pretend to like swimming. His face is too distracting.
I'm still a jerk. Moving on.
NEXT!

The Blue Jays

Seven straight?? Owie. Good thing I’m going home soon because my Jays need a serious dose of drunken blonde girl heckling. Don’t fret, Scooter Downs. I’ll be behind the bullpen screaming motivational speeches at you in no time.

NEXT!

Susan Boyle

Original post here.

The woman is still inescapable. After browsing Google News, it seems she hasn’t succumbed to drugs or leather orgies as I predicted (YET).

Boyle’s had a busy week. She returned to the reality TV stage to perform a stirring rendition of Memories. I haven’t watched the video yet but the Twitterverse is certainly impressed (and they're like, super tough to please).
Also, Boyle’s original Britain’s Got Talent performance became one of the Top 5 most watched viral videos of all time last week. Meanwhile, I pet two dogs and three horses on the weekend.
NEXT!

Sidney Crosby versus Alex Ovechkin.

Original post here

So that didn’t work out as planned. It’s okay though. In my mind, Ovi actually won the playoff series, celebrated by filling a hot tub with champagne and inviting me to party. Sidney Crosby went home and played Xbox wearing his sad playoff beard.

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