Sunday, April 12, 2009

Weekend Highlights

Happy Easter y'all! Bigup to my Catholic peeps (family)...you're in Nova Scotia being all holy and what not. WHATUP!!

Easter in the Middle East is a non-event, but I work for a Canadian company, so I'm enjoying a day off. Score one for the good guys (me).

I didn't have an eventful weekend or anything, but that's not going to stop me from sharing the inane details with you. For your enjoyment, I present Meredith's totally vapid and forgettable Weekend Highlights.

1) Highlight: A trip to the Four Seasons for highlights. Highlights for your hair...not highlights...like this weekend highlight reel....stopping now.

At the salon, I was this close to dying my hair brown. I watched Walk the Line and was inspired by Reese Witherspoon because she looked so damned pretty as a brunette. I wanted to be daring and country just like her. Then I remembered that I do not, in fact, possess a set of balls, so I stayed blonde. It's cool, brown doesn't really go with my hot as balls suntan anyway.

Obligatory blonde joke: What do you call a blonde with pigtails?

Wait for it....

A blowjob with handlebars!

Ugh. That was tasteless. And on the day the Lord rose from the dead (or was that Easter Monday? Shoot)! My apologies.

2) Highlight: Driving to seven different establishments to find a bar—any bar -- that was broadcasting the masters in Doha. DKM was jacked to watch his man crush Tiger Woods. Alas, in a country full of Brits and Americans, we were turned away from each bar, becoming more dejected and less golf-y by the minute.

We didn't watch the Masters, but were probably better off, seeing as Tiger sucked ass and that horrible looking kid Rory McIlroy was playing. Call me cruel but that young, talented kid is super fugggg. If I had to sleep with either him or Michael Phelps, it would definitely be Phelps because Phelps' body is obscene and you could put a bag over his head, while McIlroy is unattractive through and through. All together now – ewwwwwwwwwwwww.
**Ed Note. I almost didn't write about Rory and his unfortunate face, because, well, look at him. He's awful. It's just too easy. But then I reminded myself that he travels around the world, playing golf for a living, and that his girlfriend is still in high school and I said, fuck it, piggy is fair game.

ANYWAY. I’m surprised we couldn’t find one place that was broadcasting golf, only because we wanted it sooo badly. I truly believe that if you want something bad enough, things will find a way of working out. Maybe I think this way because life has a funny way of making awesome things happen to me. Here are examples of things I really, really wanted to happen, that did.

a). Day drinks with Daryn Jones. Check.

b.) My internship at CTV and a chance to meet Oscar the Grouch. Check and Check.

c.) I was obsessed with Evil Dead last summer. One night out, my friend and I were approached by the writer. An hour later, we were onstage at the Diesel Playhouse, spotlights on, acting out scenes in the theatre I worshiped all summer.
Check.

e.) My interview with Mr. Dressup – it was for a class project in grade 5, but man did I ever research the shit out of that thing. Ernie Coombs was impressed, trust. Thanks Dad! In case you're wondering, the man is an angel. Check.

d.) Every time I met one of the Blue Jays. Check. Special mention goes to the time I met my favourite player and convinced him to share his deepest secrets with me. I’m the Diane Sawyer of drunken girls – I can get people to say anything.
Except unlike Diane Sawyer, I talk to people you actually want to hear from.

f) Days like this:
Call me a dork, but that was all kinds of thrilling.

So the point is mayyybe DKM didn’t really want to watch the Masters at all. If he had, it would have happened.
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He’s going to kill me. I probably just ruined his Easter. Anyhoo. On with the weekend highlights.

3) Highlight: watching every Jays game this weekend. To preempt DKM's moaning about missing baseball, we bought mlb.tv. This deal is precisely what the Interwebs were invented for!
With mlb.tv you can watch any baseball game live, or archive them for viewing later. It's perfect for a couple of homesick Canadians on a seven hour time difference.

To ensure the best viewing experience (read, no spoilers), I have to avoid Drunk Jays Fans and Tao of Steib until I get home from work. This is tough, but not impossible. However, before we got around to watching the first three games, I read the blogs anyway, because I just can't help myself. When DKM and I put them on, I pretended to not know the final score. DKM saw through my facade because of the way I squirmed through the Jesse Litsch match. I just wanted to see how fat he grew and then peace out.

4) Highlight: purchasing the sexiest, yet totally profesh dress pants evar. What? I'm still a girl.
***
I told you that would be uneventful. A trip to the salon, the mall, and a lot of sports streamed online. But you read it anyway -- sucker! For the soldiers still around, here's a link to a bonus post I wrote about celebrity sex tapes. Enjoy!

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