Sunday, April 5, 2009

Musings from CONRAD

Remember last week, when I proclaimed how great it would be if CONRAD Black were to write a regular column in the Post? My prayers have been answered, to an extent.

Here are CONRAD’s thoughts on the bankruptcy of Sun-Times Media Group (formerly Hollinger International, the company which launched the National Post, also the company CONRAD was running when found guilty of mail wiring and fraud). I hadn’t heard that Sun-Times Media declared bankruptcy, but I’m not surprised. In my last month in Toronto, I actively followed the layoffs and company cuts.... and while all the Canadian media outlets were suffering, Sun-Times always seemed the worst off. This was only a matter of time.

Bankruptcy sucks. The important thing is that CONRAD is back to make us feel small through verbosity and his superior grasp of the English language. Please, try and ignore his extreme arrogance. Instead, focus on the constant delivery of linguistic gems. This is just one guest column. Imagine the delight if he wrote on a weekly basis! I feel it happening, he's got a taste for it, hopefully he won't stop now. CONRAD'S weekly diatribes would surely put Russell Smith and his Globe columns to shame.

I kid, Russell, I'll love you forever.

From CONRAD:

“Nevertheless, Hollinger Inc. ultimately became a tethered, fatted calf awaiting Breeden's pleasure in a U. S. court-sponsored slaughter.”

“As in so many other areas, what Canada emulated of U. S. securities regulation was the worst on the American menu. Indeed, Canada's senior securities regulator rolled over like a poodle. The long-great Hollinger, an authentic Canadian institution, was killed and plundered at the behest of the lowest mutation of the Ugly American, the allegory of extraterritorial arrogance.”

On life after prison:
“Once my present annoying but quite bearable Babylonian Captivity is over, my life will resume more or less where it was.”

I worship your wicked tongue, CONRAD.

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