Saturday, April 18, 2009

Is anyone else worried for Susan Boyle?

By now, you're probably one of the 47 million people to view Susan Boyle's unreal performance from Britain's Got Talent.

Susan Boyle's appearance is one of those videos that quickly goes viral, because it's so surprising and heartwarming. You think she's going to totally suck, and feel bad because the audience is going to be merciless, but you're going to watch anyway. Then she opens her mouth and rainbows, butterflies and panda bears with starry eyes come cascading out.

The video hasn't been out a full week and it's already got 30 million accumulated YouTube views. Susan has appears on Larry King, Good Morning America and countless "Entertainment News shows." A Google search of her name draws 3.5 million hits. Five of my Facebook friends have signed up for her fan page. She is everywhere.

Susan Boyle is the perfect example of instant, life-changing effect of the Internet. Her video has gone viral overnight, and it's for a wholly positive reason. People have rallied around this woman and are earnestly rooting for her. It is a beautiful story. I haven't seen anyone become this famous overnight since well, Sanjaya from American Idol, and that was effectively an exercise where the entire world mocked one little boy for an entire summer. Sad. Obviously, I made fun of Sanjaya too. I'm only human.

Susan Boyle is a happy story, but it's only just the beginning. Fame is going to sweep this woman up in its dirty vacuum of sex and drugs and fetishism, and quite possibly, ruin her. For fucks sake, the woman has never kissed a man. Can you imagine what kind of bender she's going to go on once she discovers sex? I don't think her celibacy was religious-- she was just a lonely cat lady.

I just hope that Susan Boyle stays grounded in the throws of this whirlwind. She seems so lovely, but Hollywood is a terrible, terrible place. After her inevitable makeover and plastic surgery, who's going to feed Susan's cats while she's partying with the scum of the earth -- Diddy and Ashton Kutcher? Diddy's not going to be there for you when you're down, Susan! Don't forget your cats.
Let's all hope instant fame doesn't destroy this sweet, unassuming lady from Scotland. The world better not tear Susan Boyle down as fast as they built her up. She could be in for a rough ride.
Just ask him.

Hey, who invited Debbie fucking Downer to this party? Take five minutes and watch this, you'll feel better.


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