Tuesday, March 31, 2009


The Arab League Summit was held in Doha yesterday. There was an abundance of political leaders and VVIPs in town. Among them, UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon, “wanted” Sudanese President Omar Al-Bashir, the Kings/Presidents/Prime Ministers of Libya, Saudi Arabia, UAE and a whole whack more. The Summit was held very close to where we live, so our building was flanked by huge military guards all week. They were effective (scary).

Their cars were especially effective (scary).

Have you ever seen a convoy of secret service-type cars safeguarding an especially important looking vehicle? It is crazy. Guards stop traffic and clear the roads so a political entourage can fly down the street. This morning, we were a few minutes ahead of one of the convoys and all of the roads were emptied. Racing along on normally deadlocked streets is freaking cool. I got to work in six minutes this morning. That’s a record.
It is invigorating being so close to some of the world's most influential men. I mean, a big sandwich is a big sandwich, but the Arab League Summit right next door is awesomesauce. This kind of stuff only happens in Doha. The closest I came to political royalty in Canada was when Michael Ignatieff held the door for me that one time. We lived in the same building. He wore the most beautiful coats.

Speaking of important Canadians (or their clothes, whatever), please tell me you read the Globe and Mail article about Conrad Black’s correspondence from jail? He has a pen pal!

I live for Conrad Black jail stories. They paint an incredible mental picture. He’s been locked up for 18 months now and seems to be having a nice go of it. One report said that he hired another inmate to be his butler. He works in the jail library, where he has access to newspapers and e-mail. Sounds….awesome?

So Conrad’s been writing letters to this dude up in Ottawa, discussing politics, the economy, sandwiches. You know, guy stuff. Anyway his thoughts on Canada’s leaders are hilarious! From the Globe:

Joe Clark was a “joke,” he observes. Brian Mulroney was “no great conservative, and was certainly less conservative than [former Liberal prime minister Louis] St. Laurent.” St├ęphane Dion is “hopeless.” As for Green Party Leader Elizabeth May, Lord Black characterizes her as a “frumpy, noisy, ill-favoured, half-deranged windbag.”

That was written before Dion was ousted and as we all know, the man is totally hopeless.

Have I mentioned Black only signs his name in caps? ‘Tis true.


Amazing. He’s like the Kanye West of criminals. Why can’t he have a daily column in the Post? WHY? We all know he’s got heaps of free time to write.
The greatest thing about CONRAD is his first rate way with words. He respects the English language, as we all should. Sure, he’s often guilty of using flowery words, when a much simpler phrase will suffice (you won’t see him labelling his lunch lamesauce, like a certain part-time blogger we know) but that’s CONRAD for you. He’s an elitist! Of course he’s going to use words only 1% of the population understands. He’s not speaking to the uneducated. He won’t waste his expensive time dumbing things down for the masses. God, he’s such an ass. I love him.

Do you think if we wrote to CONRAD in jail, he would write back? Maybe I could score Hack the Bone’s first bloggerview. Yes, I aim high. He could chide my grammar and belittle me over the Interwebz. Be still my heart.

Until the next time the Globe acts as CONRAD’S mouthpiece (could be a while, these articles pop up every three months or so), please enjoy this photo of CONRAD loafing and luffing from prison grounds.

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