I am 23 years-old and I do not have a driver’s license. Take your pot shots now. How sad and pathetic.
That's enough. I used to think I was smart, surviving without a license and all, but it turns out I totally fucked myself in refusing to get a G1.
Back story: In Canada, I lived in the golden metropolis of Toronto (save my time spent in the KKK capital of the world, London, Ontario) so I didn't need a car. I lived downtown and thanks to Toronto’s world-class transit system, the clean and efficient TTC (are you listening Adam Giambrone? I love you) I got by without a car. I had a very small carbon footprint. I was awesome.
Adam Giambrone -- TTC Chair and spokesperson. Dream boat.
Plus, those years spent on public transit gave me a wealth of dually hilarious and horrible stories that I can whip out at parties. Speaking of whipping things out, how many times have YOU been flashed on the subway? I’m at three and counting….
ANYWAY. Via TTC you can get just about anywhere in Toronto in twenty - thirty minutes. You don’t need a car. In Doha…things aren’t as simple.
Doha doesn’t have a transit system. There are plans to build one, but that’s eons away.
People in Qatar can't survive without a license. Residents drive everywhere. It is clear I will need to adapt and become a mature licensed drivers, and soon. I *plan* to start lessons, but the thought of driving in this city makes me a little ill.
The temporary (permanent) solution is to find a trustworthy taxi driver and buy him out for a monthly fee.
Sounds simple, right? WRONG! Finding a driver who doesn’t freak me out or make me hate him has proved my greatest challenge in Doha-- greater than living without Clamato and even greater than life without my inbred puppy.
Here are my criteria for finding the lucky man, destined to become my personal chauffeur.
Ranked in order of importance:
1) no body odor
2) drives a clean car
3) has a firm grasp of the English language
4) no side eyes ( staring at me through the rear view mirror, fucking creep)
So far, I have met 15 or so cab driver that just will not do.I'd rather ride with this guy.
Last week, I met one driver who I thought lived up to my standards. He took me to work every day last week, and we got along fine. He was polite and quiet, his car was spectacularly clean and he was always ten minutes early.
He was almost perfect.
Yesterday on our drive to work, I was preparing to ask him to be my full-time driver. I was nervous and excited to commit to my new friend. What if he said no? Maybe he won’t like me! Are my palms sweating?
As we drove, I caught myself staring at his ears. They were really big. And really ugly. And they got bigger and uglier the farther we went. His ears were gigantic, with serious cauliflowering. Aren’t cauliflower ears the sign of a boxer? A man who BEATS PEOPLE UP for a living?
Heavens. Try staring at that before you've had your morning coffee.
I started envisioning my cabbie in a boxing ring, showing no mercy on opponents and generally being very violent.
We arrived at my work one minute later. When he asked if he should come at the same time the next day, all I could muster was a panicked, “Noooo” before I lunged out of the car.
This is going to be a brutal selection process.