Monday, March 23, 2009

Desperately seeking entertainment

We finished the fifth and final season of The Wire a few weeks ago. I haven’t watched a DVD since because nothing can follow the Wire.

Wait, I lie -- I have watched *one* DVD. I watched Disc 1 of Schindler’s List, but it was painful. I haven’t gotten around to watching disc 2 yet. I would have turned off the first half early, but I fear the wrath of Spielberg. He’s a very powerful man.

My question to you-- which series, if any, is good enough to follow the Wire? Surely I can’t wait for David Simon’s new show, (set in post Hurricane Katrina New Orleans holy fucking awesome) to debut whenever it does. I need something to entertain me now, when I’m too tired at night to think, or sustain an intelligent conversation.

I need a new show and I will try and find that new addition to my life and popular culture repertoire here, today. I say try, because it’s a big commitment to invest in a DVD series. One can’t watch any old pile of suck for hours on end.

Keep in mind I have to get DKM to on board and watch it with me, as we kind of spend every night together. The show must be boy and girl friendly. This is the only reason you won’t see My Super Sweet Sixteen on this list. I can watch that by myself on vacation anyway.

Here are my options for future DVD viewing,

Friday Night Lights
I’ve already watched this series. But it is sooooo good that I’m happy to watch it through again. This way, I can watch as DKM resists his urge to love it, only to be won over and subsequently drown in a ball of man tears……

The crying part would never happen. I’d settle for an ambivalent “shmeh”, I simply want him to watch the first few episodes with me. That was his tactic with The Wire and good God, did that ever work.

I think FNL is an excellent show we can enjoy together. He can enjoy Minka Kelly and the underage blonde girl, while I enjoy Taylor Kitsch and the underage blonde guy. It’s perfect. Oh hai.

House
I have never seen an episode of House. Hugh Laurie is supposedly a riot but I’m wary of medical dramas. I used to watch Chicago Hope with the delightful Mandy Patinkin, like, 15 years ago but haven’t seen anything good since. Sure, I watched season two of Grey’s Anatomy like every other white girl evar, but I was fully aware that the show is total ass. I knew it sucked but I liked to torture myself so, I continued to watch.

Here’s my thing with Grey’s Anatomy. Why would anyone write a series that actively tries to make its audience cry every week? Every single week, some devastating medical disaster or breakup or death occurs and the show closes with an awful montage of sad people and sadder music. Every single week.

And who invited that awful Meredith (haha Meredith) woman on to my television screen? And McDreamy? Not even hot. I watched one episode last season where Izzy was having sex with her dead boyfriend. I’m glad I read somewhere that she has a brain tumour because that is the ONLY way to justify something so stupid. Grey’s makes me angry, and I do not support any show that doesn’t hire hot actors and clearly wants its audience to be fucking miserable. Gah.
Get that finger out of my face you awful, awful woman.

Where was I? Oh yeah. House. Everyone says it’s awesome but I can’t bring myself to care. I will probably skip this one and it’s all Grey’s fault.

Heroes
I’m including Heroes because it’s another show people seem to like. I don’t know anything about Heroes (except that it stars that pedophile-y fellow), but am guessing by the name involves science-fiction and or action. Sounds lame. I learned my lesson with Lost, and don’t want to be terrorized again so thank you for your interest Heroes, but I will pass.

How I met your Mother
A comedy—yes! I downloaded the first few episodes of HIMYM and liked it, but got distracted by liquor and never picked it up again. I did, of course, watch the two episodes with my girlfriend Britney Spears (she was a star, by the way) last year, but that’s about it. I should be a huge fan of this show because adore Neil Patrick Harris. HIMYM is an obvious choice. The problem? DKM says it sucks. I don’t think he’s seen more than one episode but he will still veto this one…hard. Next!

Mad Men
No, I haven’t seen Mad Men. Calm down. I can almost hear the audible gasps from Doha. . I plan to watch, someday. If I ever see the DVDs, I will buy them. I am in no way anti-Mad Men. This is yet another show that DKM vetoed, because he is fucking hard to please. I will watch Mad Men by myself in the years to come and be enlightened, I’m sure.

That’s all I’m working with. Honestly, I’m not excited by any of those new shows. I need help. Is there something I’m truly missing out on? Is Heroes actually the best show ever? Will Hugh Laurie’s masked English charm help me forget about Grey’s? Don’t even suggest I watch Prison Break, because I will fight you, silly cow.

It took time to get on the Wire band wagon, but damnit, that wonderful show has ruined me for life. What could possibly satisfy the way The Wire can? It is an extremely tough act to follow. I’m still having dreams about it. Last week, I hooked up with Marlo Stanfield. I know, right!? Dream sex with the scary dude = awesome

Forgets Marley and Me. It's all about Marlo and me. My stars, I'm clever.

8 comments:

  1. my thoughts:

    FNL
    despite its similar acronym, it can't be as funny as SNL. and if it's not a comedy and more of a teenage drama program, i'm not interested. however, you make a good point, she's kinda hot and i said i'd give you a 5-episode trial. deal?

    House
    i've watched this 3 or 4 times. The premise is about this huge asshole doctor, albeit with great talents. as far as i can tell, that part of the show works. However the rest of the show sucks. and it doesn't pass your hot cast test. end of story.

    Heroes
    now here's one that passes the hot test. hayden panettiere is hot enough to make anyone pedophil-y. but science fiction??? meeeeeh.

    How I Met Your Mother
    I've also seen a few episodes of this show. They do shit that makes the show funnier like flashbacks that provide context and musical voiceover bits a la Seinfeld. Of course, Neil Patrick Harris is effin hilarious. However, the other 4 actors make me choose removing my toe nails with pliers over watching an entire season of this show.

    Mad Men
    I've quite simply never vetoed this. You must have dreamt that along with banging Marlo. In fact this is my vote. You suggested your way out of watching Friday Night Lights. Niiiiice...

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  2. East Bound and Down- DKM especially will enjoy this

    Summer Heights High- Best Comedy in Years

    US of Tara- Good shit.

    All your suggestions were retarded Mere.

    FNL is great but you've already seen it. House blows, every episode is the EXACT same.

    Heroes blows. Season 1 was good, rest blows.

    How I Met Your Mother is like a shitty version of Friends. And Friends was the worst television program in history. WE WERE ON A BREAK. Ross Gellar is the most infuriating character in television history.

    Mad Men I got nothing on, I want to watch it, your only valid option.

    My three are SOOOOOO much better than any of yours sans Mad Men

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  3. Mad Men it is. Thank you DKM for your first ever comment on this site. You are a God amongst men.

    Gord -- Thank you for the suggestions....I think. Yes, there are definitely some good ones in there, hidden amongst the parts where you were a big jerk.

    I'm going to blame the fact that I haven't heard of East Bound yadda yadda or Summer Heights High because I'm really far away.

    I will blame it on the desert, but I'm really only mad at myself.

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  4. Meg said she thinks I am a very nice person the other day.

    So there.

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  5. I have no idea if these are even on dvd...but almost ANY series that runs on those on demand channels are amazing....go download californication (wonderful and ive yet to meet a single person that doesnt agree with me), dexter (awesome), true blood (starts off strange but you seriously get into it), United States of Tara (just started watching this but the first few were great)..and thats all I can think of...

    PS greys is an amazing show..although im going to stop watching it after this season when Izzy dies and George goes crazy

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  6. Well guys, if Stuff White People Like is right(and they usualy are), we're all going to love Mad Men.

    http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2009/03/11/123-mad-men/

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  7. I watch *far* too many TV Shows. Some are great, a lot are crap and a few I will never admit to watching. My problem is I find it hard to let go of the ones I start watching.

    Anyway, here are 2 easy options for you:

    Californication and Entourage.

    You're welcome.

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  8. Highly recommend In Treatment. If Season 1 is on DVD, grab it. Amazing television drama.

    Season 2 has begun and is proving to be even better.

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Ramble on...