Saturday, February 21, 2009

My Sad Plans for Oscar Night

Me...on Sunday
**I can't BELIEVE I found this photo. That man breaks my heart. I could look at him all day.

Before I talk about the Oscars, there's a few things I would like to say. Please listen, as they are important. HaHaHa.

There were a lot of first time visitors on Hack the Bone yesterday. I'm happy for the level of traffic on this site because it inspires me to keep writing blather, but it also makes me nervous. I'm paranoid the only people visiting this website, beside my cool friends, are the feds looking to shut me down for violating everything that's decent in Doha.

Well, if they shut me down, I'll go out encased in a burning fireball of vulgarity!

I really shouldn't post today -- I'm running on four hours sleep and am liable to say things I shouldn't. I went to the only club in Doha* last night and then played a rousing game of cops and robbers until oh, five in the morning with DKM. Good times.
*My thoughts on the Doha club scene are summed up nicely in this blog post by Gord. Doha's the same, minus the drugs. Music in Doha clubs is played 8x louder than music in T.O. clubs. I could feel the ince ince beats in my heart last night. Awful stuff.

So hey-- here's some news. We're getting a visitor in a few weeks. One of DKM's oldest friends, Anny is coming from Toronto on March 5th. I'm pretty pumped because Anny is wicked. PLUS she's going to bring me some of that wonderufl clam + tomato goodness. CLAMATO. No big deal, I've only been craving a caesar from the minute I got off the plane in England. I could certainly use one right now-- it's possible I'm still drunk.

Went back and read what I just wrote. Cops and robbers? Definitely still drunk. Our poor taxi driver haha.

Why do I still smell beer? Did I sleep in a keg? Yuck.
ANYWAY.

I'm thankful for many, many things. I can make fun of beloved heroes like Oprah and Michael Phelps without any flack. I'm happy to see my boyfriend take off his belt, because I know I'm not about to get a beat down. I have a wonderful family, largely based in the maritimes of Canada, where I can always go for intense games of trivial pursuit and Frank Sinatra sing-a-longs. My life is rich.

I'm a lucky girl, so I feel like an asshole when I complain about trivial things, but this site demands it so I soldier on. The Academy Awards airs Sunday. The Oscars are my most favouritest event of the year.
*Sure, I said Westminster was my favourite event of the year, but that was like, two weeks ago. Keep up.

The Oscars start time is four in the morning in Doha. The thing usually runs 3+ hours long, so if I watch live (which I will) it will be a sad, lonely event.

I run an Oscar pool every year. It's a perfect excuse to take my friends' monies and not feel bad about it. Somehow, each year I have managed to not let my friend Tamara join the pool (same girl with master password to porn site, owns a vampire bat, pop culture hero) because she's the only person who could beat me. She's not allowed to play, ever. Also not invited? The asshole who beat me in UWO pop culture jeopardy two years in a row. Fucking loser cost me $1000, then asked me out. He is my nemesis and though his name alludes me, I certainly remember his stupid face.

So yea, I loves me some Academy Awards bullshit. When I was in grade school, my friend Gerred and I would watch the Oscars each year, have a sleepover and miss school the next day. Our moms were the awesome because they understood the magnitude of such an event.

The Oscars brings happy memories, but I think my beloved television event may be a touch depressing this year.

I'll probably sit alone in this big apartment at four in the morning, dressed in evening wear, eating snack food and getting drunk. I will yell at the screen whenever Javier Bardem appears. I will hurl venemous insults at that poor kid from Twilight because Twilight is stupid and inescapable, and I can blame him. I will spill chips on my cleavage. I will start dry humping the screen when Javier speaks. Pathetic.
Oh Hai.

Perhaps I will spend the evening on msn/skype/facebook chat. If any of my friends are home on Sunday, please meet me for an online date. We can be uber-pop culture losers together. It's pretty lame, but not THAT lame, right? Ya...thought so. See you Sunday.

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