I'm talking about the 133rd annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Held over the course of several days, the world's most perfect dogs (besides your own) congregate in Madison Square Garden to literally strut their stuff and be cute. This makes me happier than kids fainting at a spelling bee.
My mom, brother and I watch this junk together every year. We pick favourites and spaz as they either lose or go on to supreme doggy glory. You have to make emotional investments in certain dogs, it's more exciting that way. Only during Westminster is it perfectly acceptable to hate on dogs. Heckling isn't encouraged, but goes without punishment. Fuck off Springer Spaniel! You think because you won consecutive championships in 1971 and 1972, you're better than me? You've got nothing on the American Cocker Spaniel. Its paws are like dust pans for chrissakes.Woof.
Last year, the 15" Beagle overcame all odds (cheating poodles) and won. I owned two Beagles growing up so you can imagine my excitement for little Uno. I celebrated by getting drunk and lifting Wonky over my head.
I've been scouting this year's talent, and I really like the Samoyed. Vegas named the Brussels Griffon (better known as the dog in As Good as it Gets) as favourite, with the Welsh Corgi not far behind. Sounds like Euro trash to me! I don't know how Vegas makes those odds, and who, besides me, would bet on this shit, but keep your eyes on these guys:Mr. Corgi's on the road to success. That's the spirit little guy!
If you watch, do me a favour and tell those smug Poodles to go screw themselves. kthanksbai.