Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Cut From The Same Cloth

A few weeks back two of my best friends decided, unbeknownst to each other’s plans, to both start a blog. It was right around this time that I realized how similar these two loveable little smart-ass friends of mine are. As mentioned in both Gord and Mere’s recent posts, they are both Leos, both lefties, and both big sports fans. They also both love telling friends about their masturbating exploits, were both, sadly, born in 1985, and both of their favorite-things-of-all-time-lists include coffee, animals and caesars. But above all of these similarities, the most striking similarity is their gritty, unrelenting competitiveness. (Now if anyone reading didn’t know those things about Gord or Mere, you can skip the rest and vote for me now. Assuming you did already know all that, read on…)
Now if I were about as wise a gambler as Gord is, I’d bet they were really born as the love-child twins of loving parents, Heidi Klum & Larry David; accidentally mixed up in the hospital with Gord and Mere’s parents’ real children and subsequently raised as their own. But then again, we all know Gord isn’t a very good gambler.
Now as far as I’m concerned, guest writing a blog is like karaoke (or the Doha Amateur Theatre production of Grease we were "lucky" enough to see the other day due to my bosses daughter being one of the main characters): better left to professionals.

Yes, yes, I understand the whole point of writing a blog is that you don’t have to be a professional to do it, but shut up, this shit isn’t as easy as it looks, and I’m trying to pay a compliment. Because, before the flagrant insults and humiliations get dropped, I’d like to say that in all honesty, out of everyone I know, Mere and Gord are probably the best people to write funny, cynical, pop-culture-inspired drivel. And it is for their insights (as well as the caffeine surges brought to me all day by the tireless coffee boy at my office) that I can happily make it through a day at a desk job.

So when it came to being invited to write a guest post on Mere’s rapidly-expanding blog I reacted in the same way I react to everything else related to the cyber world: moderately interested at best, and overpowered by a “yeah, mayyyyybe when I feel like catching up with the times” approach. And possibly, ask for sexual favours in order for me to comply. I was happy with that. And to my knowledge so was Mere. Soooooo, I guess I have to sarcastically thank my good pal Gord for his commitment to accept ANY challenge at ANY time, and for calling this what it has become, an all-out-no-holds-barred blog war, for expediting this process and giving Meg and I a deadline.

But let’s get to the point, shall we? We all know you’re still reading to find out something you don’t know already about Mere. That was the criteria for my post.

So I had to think hard about my "assignment". It went like this...should I use this platform to tease the hell out of my nerdy, computer-addicted sweetheart?

The answer was yes. So here goes…

Bet you didn’t know that when she’s bored she tries to type out the lyrics to songs faster than the singer can sing ‘em. Yeah. Seriously. Even I didn’t know that until yesterday. I mean that’s really the kind of thing you gotta LIVE with someone before you see them do weird neurotic shit like that. But again, Mere’s a litttttle competitive, even if its with herself.

Here are a few more lovable bits of quirk:

Mere takes any spare 60 seconds in a day as an excuse to spend 3 hours online.

Mere thinks an hour’s walk is just a warm-up.

Mere would rather kiss a dog on the mouth than 9 out of 10 people her age.

Mere actually thinks Smarties are better than M&Ms.

Mere asked me within the last 10 months which pedal in a car is the brake. Sadly for me, I was in the passenger seat at the time.

Mere’s biggest beef with Gord and his blog is that he wrote about his love for Britney before she could.

Now I won’t blather on any longer, because if any of you readers out there are like me you’re reading this at work right now and are not interested in getting caught by the boss on filthy sites that include images of the world's top underwear models and mentions of dry-humping a television at the sight of a certain overweight Spanish actor who’s face resembles that of Keith Richards. Trust me, I've been caught. Lots.

I hope you enjoyed the change-up in commentary, sorry if it blows, I was never really one for deadlines.

I’m out like the chance of the leafs, raptors or jays making the playoffs this year…


  1. Loved it D,

    Very Well Done...

    Now if my girlfriend could get off her couch and stop watching reruns of Without a Trace for one goddamned second I might be able to have a reply...tick tock, tick tock.

  2. I loveeeeeee you!

    Seriously, I think I got off pretty easy.

    Couple of things:

    That amateur productioon of Grease was the greatest THREE HOURS of my life. I haven't laughed like that in ages. Had I been stoned, I would have been in heaven.

    I take exception when you say I prefer kissing dogs to people. Maybe certain dogs and certain people.... anyway, it's more like 4 out 10 people my age. I like 'em older. Plus, there are a lot of uggos out there. 3 out of 10.

  3. I'd also like to note that the love of my life knows the subtle difference between compliment and complement.


Ramble on...