Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Things I Like

I'm not going to mince words here. I like stuff. Profound, right?

I am an obsessive, culture-sucking phenom. I'm like the Alex Ovechkin (Crosby is a troll) of reading and looking at things. If it takes 10,000 hours to become a master at anything (Thank you Malcolm Gladwell for that, though the rest of Outliers was a waste of fucking time), then I truly must be the master of crap.

Here are a few of the blogs I like to waste time on. Remember, this is an expert's opinion so I'm not going to lead you wrong here.
*Ed note: This is so much better than editing my fiance's paper, which is what he thinks I'm doing right now. Sorry, DKM. You're still really good looking and what not.

1.) Dlisted
If Perez Hilton were actually funny and really, really fucking twisted, he MIGHT produce something like this. Probably not though, because that man is an awful cow. If you're not comfortable with frank discussions of celebrities' no-no holes, and if you never evaluate which way you'd have to face Carrot Top in order to fuck him, skip it. Michael K's humour is probably too highbrow for you anyway.

2.) Fuck you, Penguin
This dude is the high priest of precious animal hilarity. He would tell that very bold kitten in a frog's hat to go fuck themself and I'd proceed to fall off my chair.

3.) Drunk Jays Fans

Despite everything I planned for myself, I really like baseball. Especially those ahole Blue Jays. I started watching baseball again (no self-respecting girl watched the Jays in the late nineties, I'm sorry) only to be super nice to my boyfriend and hopefully receive dinner or other favours in return. This mindless half-absorption of games turned into an all-consuming summer hobby. Why does there have to be a fucking three and a half hour baseball game every god damn day from May to October!? Is it because the players can go out every night, get rat faced and still perform to the best of their abilities the next day? Is baseball even a sport? I hate it sooo much.*
*I love it I love it I love it.

What was I saying? Oh yea, Drunk Jays Fans. They know their stuff and they are really, really funny. Particularly that Stoeten fellow. I like to think they are also really hot, but that's probably a pipe dream.

Those cover life's most far-reaching and important topics: making fun of celebrities, sports and funny animals. Enjoy.

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