Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Javier Bardem Could Save the World

If Penelope Cruz wins the Oscar this year, her boyfriend and my number one imaginary sex partner, Javier Bardem will present the award. Holy fuck hotness. And yes, Javier Bardem. Don't give me any shit about how he looks like was beaten by a shovel, because I am not hearing it. And no, I haven't seen No Country for Old Men in fear it will disrupt my wet dreams. I prefer him as the salacious man whore in Vicky Cristina Barcelona, a role he was damn well born to play.

Javier should only act in movies where he makes out with a lot of women. I truly think he could save the economy with that shit.

Think about it: Bardem releases six films in 2009, wherein he plays a pizza delivery boy, cowboy, fireman, etc. who constantly disrobes and defiles a string of buxom actresses.

No plot. Dialogue only in spanish. Absolutely no subtitles. The films, seen by mazillions of people, net a record box office. Levels of happiness and security skyrocket, inspiring a renaissance of good old fashioned spending. People everywhere, inspired by Bardem's bed antics start dating, and attached couples head out on romantic nights out (spending money, obvi). Everybody puts all of their cash back into the economy, and the recession is over. Take THAT Obama.

No there's no pot in Doha, why do you ask?

On an unrelated note, here's a photo of me creeping on Adam Scott (the only hot golfer, allegedly boning Kate Hudson) at the Qatar Masters a few days ago. I have another 30 photos from the five minutes he stood in front of me, but I won't put those up. The one is embarassing enough.

Hey! Turns out these are related, as both out me as a skeezy perv. I love when things come together like that.

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