Monday, January 26, 2009

Doha and Toronto are Different. Part 1: Internet Restrictions

So the prudish government here controls and monitors the Interwebs, making it difficult (but not impossible) to enjoy porn sites from the comfort of your own bedroom.

Let me explain why this is so shitty, besides the obvious. A few weeks before I left Toronto, my incredible friend gave me the master username and password to an adult site which shall not be named. This info grants free and unlimited access to awesomely gross videos, and I can’t even open it. Tragic! Like I’ve said, I hate squandered opportunities and am willing to pass on said info to the highest bidder.

Another favourite pastime of mine, which the Doha man refuses to let me enjoy, is something I call synched porn. One night, at home after drinking heavily, I was speaking to my buddy on facebook who was watching YouPorn videos at the time. I logged on and we simultaneously played really disgusting clips, while commenting on their calibre. It was awesome.

My message to you, friends back home in Toronto is this: the next time you’re watching a girl get gang banged on a boat by a posse of clowns and team mascots, be sure to pause and thank your lucky stars for Canada, and all the sick freedom it allows.

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